Now you just gotta figure out how to make sure it's your stick up his butt.
God haha
But yeah, I don't get the problem. You two are into each other, right? Would he get pissed off if you went and got some action on the side? If that's the case, you probably already are dating and don't even know it
haha yeah at least one of those would probably get him to lighten up
[It's the kind of thing he writes without thinking and then... sort of regrets.
Because he knows Ryo will read through this at some point later and he's not exactly sure what kind of sense of humor he has about this kinda stuff. Or how private he would want to be. Again, all of this is really new?? And Akira is dumb.
So, once he's done wincing:]
I didnt really know that he was until recently like really recently but... maybe? I dont know. sometimes it does seem like hes mad at me and I'm not really sure why
[Ie. yes, he gets incredibly jealous, and Akira is just too oblivious to notice why that is.]
wow ryuji this is really weird dude I've never dated anyone before
[He takes a moment to take all of this in, reads it once, gets an impression, and then reads it over again, to make sure his initial gut feeling about this was right, and...
Fuck, it is?
Like something about this feels off, but maybe Akira is just fucking up his words. Because right now, this is coming off like Kamoshida and Ann, and it's messing him up a little bit.]
[He takes a moment to coalesce what it is he wants to say.]
you know what ryuji? youre right. you dont get the whole picture
I've known ryo for over ten years. hes always been different. when we were kids, people tried over and over to understand him or get him to do what they want but it never worked the way they wanted it. I'm not even sure how many of those bastards even cared about actually helping him but I've always been able to tell how he feels without him having to tell me because maybe he just... can't and its not perfect and I dont always know what I'm doing but its been a really long time and it seems to work its better than other people tryin to force him into something just cause thats how people are "supposed" to be
so if you think you know better than me, fine, I'll listen I dont know a whole lot of things but when it comes to ryo, I know better than anyone
[This is why friendships with chariots can be hard as fuck. They're both stubborn as shit and persistent and protective over the people they love.]
Dude...
This is literally what you said to me and I'm just pasting exactly what you told me:
>>@dabil [22:53] usually he just seems kinda annoyed with me and then it goes away so I just kinda let it go
If that's seriously what you're going through, no matter how much or how long you've known someone for, it's messed up. I'm not even sayin that like... whatever, you don't have to be in a conventional relationship by anyone's standards, you are totally cool doing and being whatever the hell you wanna be bc that's how life is?
But like
If you're in a relationship with someone and they're angry at you and won't tell you why so you just make it by and figure it'll get better by itself, it ain't? You gotta tell him that. Before it gets worse. And yeah, I kinda do know a lot about this shit
Fuck, I saw my mom go through it for the first 12 years of my life
dont fucking copy and paste me dude I know what I said
I said "annoyed," which is a long ways away from being really truly pissed about something, and "usually," for something that only happens every once in a while anyway because sometimes people just do stuff that annoys you and then you get over it and its not a big fucking deal?
that really sucks and I'm sorry dude but I just think youre blowing what I'm saying out of proportion
regardless all of this shit has literally happened in the last 48 hours and I'm still working through a lot of stuff and this is just making me stressed so can you just drop it for right now
You're probably right, I got a way of overreacting. Sorry, man it's just
I've been around a LOT OF bad shit when it comes to this stuff and it's so goddamn upsetting when it happens to someone you care about, y'know?
[His parents, Ann and Kamoshida, Kamoshida and Shiho, that weird S&M relationship, the stalker, the little brother who was manipulating his older brother... it happened over and over again, the signs are always too fresh in his mind. Too many hearts had to be stolen to correct how shitty human beings really were. Too much distrust in people to chill out over.]
If you think it's okay, I shouldn't go and question you or anything on it
[Unfortunately, Akira has a blind spot for Ryo. So even if what Ryuji thought was true (and it even is, at least in certain parts), he wouldn't believe him, and it would only aggravate him.
People - both adults and children - had treated Ryo so terribly when they were kids. They still seemed to regard him odd, separating him from themselves, unsure of how to deal with him. There's a bit of that he thinks can't really be helped, but he's just defensive; he just wants other people to see him the way he does.]
its ok ryuji youre just worried for me. I get it... and that means a lot. thanks
so I guess I wasnt super truthful with you we are together? ish we just havent really talked about it so I dont really know what to call it so uh keep it between us for now ok?
[Ryuji also knows that relationships are weird, that the people in them can be genuinely good people but do dumb things in them. Not that he's ever been in that situation, the stunningly handsome mare of a virgin himself, but... it's also true that there are a lot of sides to things that might not make sense at the moment.
He trusts Akira, weirdly enough- and he'll leave it at that.]
Listen, man... I definitely DON'T wanna beat a dead horse here but if it ever gets too rough and you just need a place to chill, room 4.28 is always open. I'll always be here for you, kay? Even if it's just to like... hang out and talk about... I dunno, what horrible goddamn food there is on the station.
[You will have your day some time soon, Ryuji... You are a good and beautiful man, and Akira will make sure you find someone who will treat you real nice.]
alright I'll keep that in mind thanks dude if we do decide to have a hangout session remind me to bring some of the food I still got stashed away youre homesick for Japanese food right?
[It'd taken an enormous amount of self-control, but he'd rationed out the konbini food he'd found in his room. If he were home, he would've eaten it all in one sitting, but here, without the promise of more, he has to be miserly.]
hm I dont know its kinda hard to explain like I knew the guy years and years ago when we were kids and then he moved away and only came back like a few weeks ago I've... always cared about him you know? and then we were back together again and I felt so much better with him around it just kinda came out of that I guess maybe I'd always held a torch for him and I just now realized hed even be interested in that
yeah man I got some konbini food but like lets just not eat it all at once because idk when I'll get more? I got some chocolate and some ramen left I think
[He'd only gotten like five items to begin with. ): He wants crates of the stuff.]
haha hell yeah I am I mean he might be idk
[Wait. No. Oops.]
no I mean I guess I mightve had a crush on him for a long time I just didnt really realize it until kinda recently
I think there's some sorta ghost that lives in the sewage system. Dave and me flushed a burrito down once and now I think we're payin' for that shitty transgression.
[They needed to exorcise the demons that lived in there. They'd seen too many horrors and had a vengeful heart.]
I kinda agree man
I mean, back home I didn't have much goin' for me anyway, you know? At least here I get to hang out with my friends and keep bein' there for everyone.
And
I dunno
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's the whole world of just kinda liking someone and thinkin' they're neat. But not doin' anything about it since it's just... y'know a crush. You know it'd never work out so you never try? Is that weird?
And then there's the world where you don't even wanna think about it and you end up thinkin' about it anyway and you go around just wanting it more and more everyday?
yeah... that would probably do it why the hell did you waste a perfectly good burrito down the tubes??
[Akira's got some experience dealing with demons, but he isn't sure he wants to go grapplin' with one that lives in the septic system.]
yeah home was kinda a mess for me so
[He still worries about Miki and her family every day, but it's not like he can do anything about it. The powerlessness is infuriating, but what could he do, with millions of light-years separating them?]
I dont think thats weird its scary especially when you dont wanna weird them out but
yeah I know what you mean
[He himself had done the exact same thing until the pressure of it had overwhelmed the apprehension, the shred of possibility far too tantalizing to allow to escape.]
if its at that sort of point it aint gonna get any better not in my experience anyway I guess you gotta think instead about why you dont wanna think about it see if thats even worth anything and then make a decision from there because unfortunately with shit like this it can end up hurting either way but at least if you take a chance theres a possibility it will work out you know? otherwise youre just always gonna think about the "what if"
Cause it was an abomination to burrito kind. Half formed, weird tasting, food fabricator bullshit
I guess I'm kinda getting used to the protein slop
You could probably just slam it all on a plate, close your eyes and it'll taste the same no matter what you asked it to make
Which sucks
[Okay, but not talking about food for a second--]
You think so?
It's only gonna get worse...
Man, it's so goddamn nerve wracking
Like I can deal with rejection
I CAN TOTALLY DEAL WITH REJECTION
I've been rejected so many times before it ain't even funny
But I think this one? If it happens... I dunno... I feel like it'll really kill me.
And the feelings themselves are really confusing because this is... I mean it's DEFINITELY not my type of person that I usually find myself attracted to, y'know? And that alone is also kinda freaking me the hell out?
Sorry, I'm just a mess of anxiety over it, in the end
oh... I see thats how I feel about a lot of the food that comes out of those machines best just flushed down a damn toilet
[But yeah, onto more serious topics.]
I guess I could sugarcoat it but I feel like it wouldnt really be the best thing in the end some crushes do go away when you get some space from that person but some just get stronger yeah? so if thats what you think might be happening its tricky
ok, just, try not to die, youre cool and I'd be super bummed
so uh... not your usual type how? why is it freaking you out if you dont mind me asking
and no dude were friends right? I'm here to help you out
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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ugh
what I mean is that if we were doing one or the other it probably wouldnt look all that different to you so why does it matter if we are or not
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I just wanna be happy for you, as a friend
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truth is I dont know dude
its not like we talked about it or anything
you might or might notve noticed by now but ryos not really the type of guy for things like that
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Now you just gotta figure out how to make sure it's your stick up his butt.
God haha
But yeah, I don't get the problem. You two are into each other, right? Would he get pissed off if you went and got some action on the side? If that's the case, you probably already are dating and don't even know it
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at least one of those would probably get him to lighten up
[It's the kind of thing he writes without thinking and then... sort of regrets.
Because he knows Ryo will read through this at some point later and he's not exactly sure what kind of sense of humor he has about this kinda stuff. Or how private he would want to be. Again, all of this is really new?? And Akira is dumb.
So, once he's done wincing:]
I didnt really know that he was until recently
like really recently
but... maybe? I dont know. sometimes it does seem like hes mad at me and I'm not really sure why
[Ie. yes, he gets incredibly jealous, and Akira is just too oblivious to notice why that is.]
wow
ryuji this is really weird dude
I've never dated anyone before
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Fuck, it is?
Like something about this feels off, but maybe Akira is just fucking up his words. Because right now, this is coming off like Kamoshida and Ann, and it's messing him up a little bit.]
Hey, man
If he's mad at you
Do you feel like you can talk to 'em about it?
Like... you don't let that shit fester right
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(But let's be real. With these two, you had a very educated guess.)]
idk
ryuji you ever tried to get blood from stone
thats probably easier than getting ryo to talk about feelings
I dont know if its festering
usually he just seems kinda annoyed with me and then it goes away
so I just kinda let it go
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It is.]
Akira, that's not really healthy.
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Almost. He takes a deep breath.]
if it was something actually important hed tell me
ok?
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Why does it gotta be important just to have it said?
If you're in a relationship that's just sort of... stuff you naturally share with someone.
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you know what ryuji? youre right. you dont get the whole picture
I've known ryo for over ten years. hes always been different. when we were kids, people tried over and over to understand him or get him to do what they want but it never worked the way they wanted it.
I'm not even sure how many of those bastards even cared about actually helping him
but I've always been able to tell how he feels without him having to tell me
because maybe he just... can't
and its not perfect and I dont always know what I'm doing but its been a really long time and it seems to work
its better than other people tryin to force him into something just cause thats how people are "supposed" to be
so if you think you know better than me, fine, I'll listen
I dont know a whole lot of things
but when it comes to ryo, I know better than anyone
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Dude...
This is literally what you said to me and I'm just pasting exactly what you told me:
>>@dabil [22:53]
usually he just seems kinda annoyed with me and then it goes away
so I just kinda let it go
If that's seriously what you're going through, no matter how much or how long you've known someone for, it's messed up. I'm not even sayin that like... whatever, you don't have to be in a conventional relationship by anyone's standards, you are totally cool doing and being whatever the hell you wanna be bc that's how life is?
But like
If you're in a relationship with someone and they're angry at you and won't tell you why so you just make it by and figure it'll get better by itself, it ain't? You gotta tell him that. Before it gets worse. And yeah, I kinda do know a lot about this shit
Fuck, I saw my mom go through it for the first 12 years of my life
And it sucks.
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I said "annoyed," which is a long ways away from being really truly pissed about something, and "usually," for something that only happens every once in a while anyway
because sometimes people just do stuff that annoys you and then you get over it and its not a big fucking deal?
that really sucks and I'm sorry dude but
I just think youre blowing what I'm saying out of proportion
regardless all of this shit has literally happened in the last 48 hours and I'm still working through a lot of stuff and this is just making me stressed so can you just drop it for right now
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I've been around a LOT OF bad shit when it comes to this stuff and it's so goddamn upsetting when it happens to someone you care about, y'know?
[His parents, Ann and Kamoshida, Kamoshida and Shiho, that weird S&M relationship, the stalker, the little brother who was manipulating his older brother... it happened over and over again, the signs are always too fresh in his mind. Too many hearts had to be stolen to correct how shitty human beings really were. Too much distrust in people to chill out over.]
If you think it's okay, I shouldn't go and question you or anything on it
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People - both adults and children - had treated Ryo so terribly when they were kids. They still seemed to regard him odd, separating him from themselves, unsure of how to deal with him. There's a bit of that he thinks can't really be helped, but he's just defensive; he just wants other people to see him the way he does.]
its ok ryuji
youre just worried for me. I get it... and that means a lot. thanks
so I guess I wasnt super truthful with you
we are together? ish
we just havent really talked about it
so I dont really know what to call it
so uh
keep it between us for now ok?
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He trusts Akira, weirdly enough- and he'll leave it at that.]
Listen, man... I definitely DON'T wanna beat a dead horse here but if it ever gets too rough and you just need a place to chill, room 4.28 is always open. I'll always be here for you, kay? Even if it's just to like... hang out and talk about... I dunno, what horrible goddamn food there is on the station.
Anyway, I'm happy for ya nonetheless.
I'll keep it under wraps.
Hey, how'd you know, though?
That it'd be Ryo.
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alright I'll keep that in mind
thanks dude
if we do decide to have a hangout session remind me to bring some of the food I still got stashed away
youre homesick for Japanese food right?
[It'd taken an enormous amount of self-control, but he'd rationed out the konbini food he'd found in his room. If he were home, he would've eaten it all in one sitting, but here, without the promise of more, he has to be miserly.]
hm
I dont know its kinda hard to explain
like
I knew the guy years and years ago when we were kids and then he moved away and only came back like a few weeks ago
I've... always cared about him you know?
and then we were back together again and I felt so much better with him around
it just kinda came out of that I guess
maybe I'd always held a torch for him and I just now realized hed even be interested in that
[Because, you know, he's blind.]
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JAPANESE FOOD
WHY ARE YOU HOLDING OUT
[The hunger Runs Deep.]
Wait what
You're going to set Ryo-yo on fire?
I don't get it
Why would you do that
Is he into getting burned
[God...]
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lets just not eat it all at once because idk when I'll get more?
I got some chocolate and some ramen left I think
[He'd only gotten like five items to begin with. ): He wants crates of the stuff.]
haha hell yeah I am
I mean he might be idk
[Wait. No. Oops.]
no I mean I guess I mightve had a crush on him for a long time
I just didnt really realize it until kinda recently
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Dropped in my toilet
Real effin funny, space ghosts.
[He's still so, so, pissed about how this all turned out.]
You're right. One rice cracker per day and we only have to ration it out for the next....
Forever, I guess.
Damn, that's depressing.
[And onto Ryo- because he's mildly curious. Also, what the fuck Akira.]
What's it feel like though? A crush. I mean, I've had those before, but how do you know if it's like
A crush or a crush?
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I found all of my stuff in the bathroom but at least it wasnt in the toilet
yeah
honestly livin in this place wouldnt even be all that bad if the food was better
man what I wouldnt do for some real food
[He'll never take it for granted again... He wouldn't even besmirch the mostly-vegetarian fare at the Makimura's house anymore after this ordeal.]
huh?
what do you mean
whats the difference
[Are there multiple kinds????]
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[They needed to exorcise the demons that lived in there. They'd seen too many horrors and had a vengeful heart.]
I kinda agree man
I mean, back home I didn't have much goin' for me anyway, you know? At least here I get to hang out with my friends and keep bein' there for everyone.
And
I dunno
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's the whole world of just kinda liking someone and thinkin' they're neat. But not doin' anything about it since it's just... y'know a crush. You know it'd never work out so you never try? Is that weird?
And then there's the world where you don't even wanna think about it and you end up thinkin' about it anyway and you go around just wanting it more and more everyday?
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why the hell did you waste a perfectly good burrito down the tubes??
[Akira's got some experience dealing with demons, but he isn't sure he wants to go grapplin' with one that lives in the septic system.]
yeah
home was kinda a mess for me so
[He still worries about Miki and her family every day, but it's not like he can do anything about it. The powerlessness is infuriating, but what could he do, with millions of light-years separating them?]
I dont think thats weird
its scary
especially when you dont wanna weird them out but
yeah
I know what you mean
[He himself had done the exact same thing until the pressure of it had overwhelmed the apprehension, the shred of possibility far too tantalizing to allow to escape.]
if its at that sort of point
it aint gonna get any better
not in my experience anyway
I guess you gotta think instead about why you dont wanna think about it
see if thats even worth anything
and then make a decision from there
because unfortunately with shit like this it can end up hurting either way but at least if you take a chance theres a possibility it will work out you know?
otherwise youre just always gonna think about the "what if"
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I guess I'm kinda getting used to the protein slop
You could probably just slam it all on a plate, close your eyes and it'll taste the same no matter what you asked it to make
Which sucks
[Okay, but not talking about food for a second--]
You think so?
It's only gonna get worse...
Man, it's so goddamn nerve wracking
Like I can deal with rejection
I CAN TOTALLY DEAL WITH REJECTION
I've been rejected so many times before it ain't even funny
But I think this one? If it happens... I dunno... I feel like it'll really kill me.
And the feelings themselves are really confusing because this is... I mean it's DEFINITELY not my type of person that I usually find myself attracted to, y'know? And that alone is also kinda freaking me the hell out?
Sorry, I'm just a mess of anxiety over it, in the end
Tell me if I'm bothering you ok
I don't wanna blast your ear off or nothing
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thats how I feel about a lot of the food that comes out of those machines
best just flushed down a damn toilet
[But yeah, onto more serious topics.]
I guess I could sugarcoat it but I feel like it wouldnt really be the best thing in the end
some crushes do go away when you get some space from that person but
some just get stronger yeah? so if thats what you think might be happening
its tricky
ok, just, try not to die, youre cool and I'd be super bummed
so uh... not your usual type how? why is it freaking you out
if you dont mind me asking
and no dude were friends right?
I'm here to help you out
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this is so cute i hate it
i, in fact, love it
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